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  • C. J. Korryn

Let's Eat Babies!!!

Okay, so despite the title and picture, this post is not a response to the recent social media posting of an AOC follower suggesting that we should eat babies. By recent, I mean within the past few months of the date that this post was published.

So, the other day I was thinking about a show I own called Red Dwarf. It is a British sci-fi comedy series from back in the day. Anyway, there was this one episode that the mechanoid (basically robot or android) had his ethics or morality chip turned off (I don’t remember exactly what it was called.) He and three friends had time traveled into the past, accidentally causing an apocalypse. They passed a dead guy, and later that night, the mechanoid cooked and fed him to his friends all because of his inactive chip. His friends were obviously grossed out when they found out where he got the meat.

Thinking about that show led me to thinking about the video I saw with the AOC supporter going on a tirade how we should start eating babies.

This post isn’t really about that, what this post is truly about is one of my favorite pieces of literature that speaks to the idea of eating babies.

I’ll be breaking away from my usual style of posts – you know all about me and my life or the such – and I’m going to kind talk about my all-time favorite piece of short literature.

My other favorites would include Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales, and of course…a plethora of Shakespeare’s works, but those are longer pieces.

So, my all-time favorite piece of literature is Jonathan Swift’s satire “A Modest Proposal” which is about eating babies. So, the AOC follower wasn’t the first person to think of this idea…. granted…she appeared to be completely serious about eating babies, unlike Swift.

A little background on “A Modest Proposal” before I get into its awesomeness. It was published in 1729 during English rule. Ireland was extremely poor which was made worse by trade restrictions and overpopulation. Swift became politically involved in Irish causes where England exploited Ireland, and things were just getting worse! So, we have this proposal, mainly because his real appeals to better the plight of the Irish were ignored.

And for those that don’t know what a satire is, here is the definition: The use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

The following link will take you to his proposal. Personally, I think it is an amazing and fascinating read, with great ideas and wonderful satire! The real proposal is at the end, just sayin!

Now, to get into why I think this is such a great piece…hopefully, you have read it or…if you didn’t, I’ll give you the cliff notes. Swift’s persona in this piece gives a very, very, sound argument. Granted, no one with any morsel of morality or sanity would ever seriously consider this option. Morality aside, I think this would actually be the one idea that would solve both hunger and overpopulation.

Swift proposes that parents can dig their way out of poverty (and at the same time solve overpopulation issues) by selling their babies. He proposes that poor parents can fatten their babies up and sell them as (1) food and (2) as clothing.

This is by far the most atrocious idea anyone could ever comprehend, correct? I sure think so.

He talks about wearing babies as gloves or boots or the such and discusses different ways to prepare babies to eat for dinner parties. It is a most immoral idea, I will say…and I’m willing to bet EVERYONE reading this post would agree with me. But…. please... don’t judge me... but…what if…we set aside our moral compass for just one minute.

Of course, this is the most horrific idea to ever be conceived, but if we could turn off our morality 100%, think about how this would ACTUALLY solve overpopulation AND world hunger in just one fatal swoop…. did you see what I did there?

Of course, no one would (hopefully) ever think to do this…but I once thought that full-term abortions wouldn’t happen too….

If humankind did decide to perform such a heinous act, think how many people we could feed by feeding our babies to say, the homeless, the single-parent family who can barely afford one meal a day for only half of their family. We would pretty much eradicate hunger, just by simply feeding people babies.

Think of that single-parent household I just mentioned. That parent could take their infant and sell him or her, thus getting money to feed the rest of the family.

***Please, may I remind you that I am in no way condoning such activity. I am merely speaking from the absolute morally absent and purely economic view on this wicked idea.

Think about how eating or using babies as clothes (like Swift said in the satire) would keep the population to a sustainable number. First, because we are feeding our population with our population, second because of fewer mouths to feed and more food to go around, people wouldn’t starve.

In regards to clothing, not really too sure how well that would work, but Swift talks about the rich having fancy baby skin clothes and the such. Again, just horrific, but brilliant!

But the second most brilliant part of this terrible proposal is that Swift explains how the poor can actually improve their lives (financially anyway) by selling their babies! With no means to gain more money, suddenly, they can move up a notch or two in the economic latter, just by having a baby…and if they want to get more money…they can just keep having babies and selling them!

Okay…so…I am done talking about the gross part. The most ingenious part of this proposal is that Swift actually puts his real suggestions at the end as if THOSE SUGGESTIONS are ludicrous, in turn, making people think how good of ideas they are…especially in light of selling babies to make them food or clothes.

Well, there you have it…this is how my sick mind works! Although this proposal is a most heinous idea, the logistics of how it would benefit the economy is pure genius. I love this piece because of its audacity and cleverness. Its utter vileness mixed with economic savviness.

Anyway, I hope you sort of enjoyed this, and I hope you actually take some time to read the proposal. It is definitely a unique piece of art…oh…did you know…Swift was also a preacher.

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