Okay, so I think this post is more therapy for me than anything. With that said, I know this post will also help others to keep going in pursuing their dreams or whatever it is they are shooting for.
I remember years ago, I was in a small group, and one of the other people commented that he felt like he was a failure in his Christian walk. Haven’t we all been there…well…that is if you are a believer and reading this…but, I’m willing to bet that those who are reading this and are not Christians can relate. Maybe not with the whole faith thing, but with the job, or marriage, or your very own business.
Well, I have been there too, with the job, marriage, and Christian walk, but the one that continually stabs at me is the whole “very own business” one. If you didn’t know, I am not only an author but an entrepreneur as well. I own my own business…very…very…very…small business.
Short story long…. I went from a full-time job to part-time pursuing my writing, and then I went from part-time to strictly self-employed. That was when I started my own business and got really serious about it. Well, I soon went from strictly self-employed to part-time, then from part-time to full-time, and that is where I am now.
I’m sure you can guess (based on the title and the above paragraphs) that this has been a little disheartening for me. Attempting self-employment, then having to go find a full-time job tends to make us…well….me at least…feel like a failure. Now I know that I have an earlier blog post about this, but I’m going to talk about it yet again. Actually, I kind of touch on this topic in a few posts to some degree, but this post is strictly about feeling like a failure.
Anywhoo, back to the guy that felt like a failure. I remember telling him that you are never a failure for God until you quit trying. I think I said that just as much for me as for him because whenever I feel like I am a failure at whatever it is that I am doing, I remember those words I spoke. Now, if you are one of those Christians who believe the Holy Spirit speaks through people, then maybe it was God speaking through me because that has helped to see me through my darkest times of feeling like a failure. We digress, though.
Like I said before, my current struggles with feeling like a failure derive from having to go back to a full-time job. Yes, I failed at being able to support myself from my business, but I haven’t thrown in the towel yet. You know that ole saying…something about failing and getting back up and trying again.... well, I haven’t stopped trying yet.
Even though I do, at times, feel like I have failed at this endeavor, I still strive to be able to own my own business…a brick and mortar business and be able to pay all my bills with my business and my fiction books. In truth, I am closer to it now than I ever have been before, but just not there yet.
So, I write this in hopes of encouraging my readers once again never to stop trying. Only when we give up, do we fail at it. Okay…. it’s time to nerd out…. Think of the Captain America origin story. A skinny little dude day in and day out strove to pass the exam to get into the army, and he failed every time…until one day, he didn’t. Think of…I don’t know…Stephen King… 30 publishers rejected one of his most successful books…then one took it. Michael Jordan missed more shots than he made. The world is filled with people who failed over and over and over, but they never gave up. The most encouraging (to me) is the failures of Thomas Edison. He failed 1,000 times at inventing the light bulb…but then he invented it.
Although I am no stranger to failure and feeling like a failure, I know that as long as I keep trying, I can’t truly consider myself a failure because my road isn’t a dead-end until I stop driving on it. I might hit roadblocks, but I’ll just find a way around them. I might reach the end of the paved road, but then I’ll pave it. I might run into a chasm, but then I’ll just build a bridge over it. I won’t stop until my road literally ends…and that road won’t end until death.
So, even though I currently have to spend 9 hours at the job…you know…a lunch break too…I will find the time to keep publishing my books until I can make enough money regularly from my books that I won’t have to dip into my hard-earned money from my job. I will find a way to be able to continue in my business until I can make enough money regularly from my sales that I won’t have to dip into my hard-earned money from my job. I will eventually reach the point that I can quit my job and pursue my two biggest passions full-time. The first writing fiction and Christian fiction and the second, growing my business into a full-fledged brick and mortar store.
Thank you for reading this rant. I hope it encouraged you just a little.